Sherdog’s Guide to ‘The Ultimate Fighter’

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“You all look like chicken s--t,” says Brock Lesnar, signaling that it’s Wednesday, 9 p.m., and once again time for “The Ultimate Fighter.” Each week, without fail, you can set your watch by the moment Brock utters his favorite derogatory term.

We begin where we left off last week, with the teams in their locker rooms. Ramsey Nijem and his painted toenails just handed Team Lesnar another loss. The beastly coach is not pleased and emotions are running high as he continues his critique.

“Lenny’s got a chip on his shoulder,” Lesnar tells his fighters after Len Bentley excuses himself from the verbal beating they are all receiving. “Lenny’s thinking, ‘I screwed up. I didn’t leave it all on the line.’”

“I’m not going to sit there and get punked out,” Bentley tells the camera outside, frustrated that his coach had prior commitments when it came his turn to enter the cage. “Bro, you weren’t even here for my fight.”

By now, it’s been established that Brock loves his chicken salad quips. But, in addition, he often says that he’s looking to be “wowed” by his fighters. Bentley eventually returns to the locker room and Lesnar attempts to smooth things over by admitting he hasn’t actually seen Len’s fight yet.

“You would have got wowed,” Bentley assures him. “I feel robbed.”

“It’s over,” Lesnar points out, cutting Bentley off and returning to his motivational speech-slash-scolding. “They ain’t going to just give it you... There’s nowhere to hide in there. I got my ass kicked by Cain Velasquez.”

A few sets of eyes rise up to hear him say more.

“I didn’t come out of there blaming anybody. I didn’t have any team members. This isn’t a team sport. That was my responsibility,” says Lesnar.

Charlie Rader knows his loss to Nijem is what got Brock so riled up, but he understands the situation.

“He wanted to light a fire under the rest of the guys” says Rader.

Lesnar turns to his remaining fighters -- Chuck O'Neil, Clay Harvison and Tony Ferguson -- and implores them to “take it” when their time comes.

“When you step in that Octagon, it’s kill or be killed,” says Lesnar.

Several of Lesnar’s fighters take the talk to heart, but back at the house, Rader listens to Bentley grouse about their coach over a game of pool.

“I’m not going to stay in that room and let some guy I don’t even care about call me names,” says Bentley. “It’s not name-calling time.”

The following day, it is name-calling time, at least in terms of the next fight announcement. Coach Junior dos Santos once again has control of the matchup and is relishing the idea of continuing to knock off Brock’s top picks. He decides to assign Michael Bowman to swing with Team Lesnar’s Clay Harvison.

After the selection, we get our first taste of this season’s house theatrics which don’t involve nude dancing. Chris Cope of Team Lesnar has continued his ongoing practice of watching his teammates’ training sessions as though he’s evaluating draft picks, and that has his team worried that he’s a spy.

One of the rooms in the “TUF” house contains an enormous sandbox meant for some sort of meditative purpose -- or, after 12 seasons, more likely a litter box for drunks. Either way, an anonymous person has raked the words “Chris Cope - Double Agent” into the sand. Team Lesnar finds the message and, after reading the message, Cope asks, “Double agent? What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

Cope’s teammates chuckle and murmur about that the perceived notion that he’s committing training-tip treason. Outside, they build a fire and, as they sit watching the flames, Cope denies the charges, assuring the group that he’s only working for the benefit of his own team. For the moment, they agree to take Cope at his word, but later that night, Cope stirs up more trouble by asking Ferguson if he was the unknown sand scribe.

“I know you wrote that,” says Cope, relying on his own special brand of sand-writing analysis.

Ferguson does not like being suspected and rips into Cope. Bentley, who’s also in the room, calls Cope’s accusation “absolutely absurd” and says “he’s lucky he didn’t get smacked in the face.”

As it turns out, the actual sand vandal is none other than Mick Bowman.

“He’s just there constantly, like a bad smell,” Bowman playfully explains, adding that Cope often snoops around Team Dos Santos as well. The Englishman claims he was just having a laugh and had no idea that his joke would set off a powder keg amongst Team Lesnar.

The next day, Bowman and Harvison prepare for their fight. Bowman’s fighting for a daughter back home that misses him, while Harvison is fighting for the memories of his father and brother.

“This guy cannot beat you,” Lesnar whispers to Harvison while working the knots out of his shoulders. Lesnar straps on padding to cover his torso and tells Harvison to take that first round out on him. “Kick me, knee me. I’m here for you.”

Next door, Bowman is also getting prepared for this special moment.

“Ever since I started training to fight, I wanted to put on those UFC gloves,” says Bowman. While getting said gloves situated, his assistant coach, Lew Polley, admonishes Bowman to move around the ring often. He tells Bowman that the only way Harvison can win is if Bowman allows him to move ever forward.

Mick doesn’t listen to the pre-fight advice, and Harvison pushes and presses him from the opening bell. Harvison keeps charging forward with one-two combos, leaving Bowman to scoot backwards and race away. Bowman connects with some low kicks, but misses on a takedown attempt and whiffs on a few wild upkicks from his back. Bowman keeps repeating the major no-no of backing up in a straight line, allowing Harvison to easily find his range again and again.

In the second round, Bowman deals out a few more low kicks which look promising and cause Clay to slow down. Harvison is still scoring by rushing forward with combos. Roughly halfway through the second round, Bowman goes high with a switch kick that Harvison parries. The kick tweaks Harvison for a second; from then on, he’s fighting a little off-kilter, but he masks it well. Bowman’s too busy trying to figure out a way to deal with Harvison, making him “nervous to come in and nervous to engage,” as UFC President Dana White describes it.

In the end, Harvison takes the decision on all three judges’ scorecards.

“That’s all I asked for, is for someone to come in and wow me, and I got wowed,” says Lesnar, but the news turns bad as Harvison’s gloves are being removed.

“I think I broke my pinkie,” Harvison says. The damage from the blocked head kick in the second round is severe. Harvison’s finger looks as if it belongs on an old witch -- twisted, mangled, with a little bit of the bone poking through the skin.

“He’s out,” White says, ousting Harvison from the competition before turning to someone off-camera and asking, “You can see the bone?”

“Put your head up, Mick,” Dos Santos tells Bowman, who is crushed by the loss. “Put your head up. We are Team Dos Santos.”